Taking Chances in Relationships
When I hear the All Nations value that “We take a chance in relationships,” the first thing that comes to mind is ABBA’s song “Take a Chance on Me.” Sorry about the specific example, but it does drive home the point that taking chances in a relationship always has the counter argument that many other people, including God, are taking chances by investing in me!
One of the most important elements in building relationships is trust, but how can I trust you if I don’t know you? How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? How can I know for sure that you won’t dishonor me when talking to others?
It is often fear that drives these questions. A self-defense checklist appears in the mind, and you start ticking boxes. Sometimes we’re lucky, and we receive a recommendation from another trusted person, so we take that gift of trust and can apply it to this unknown person and the relationship is off to a promising start.
But even then, we can be disappointed. Our friend’s judgement is perhaps not as good as we thought. Or maybe the new acquaintance has changed for the worse since then. The funny thing is we often assume the worst and start from there. It becomes a hard uphill battle for the new friend to gain our trust and build relationship.
There’s only one solution -— we need to enter a relationship with an unconditional gift of trust. We need to make a conscious decision to give ourselves into this new relationship and by doing so making ourselves vulnerable! We do not know if the outcome will be good.
We have experienced this many times in our ministry work in Cape Town. As we meet new people in need, we constantly find ourselves taking chances on relationships. You try and see people with God’s eyes and not just a human superficial look. Then you enter an uncharted space where your emotions, your heart and often your precious goods are at risk. We’ve taken chances, invested a lot of time and have often been disappointed that not more fruit comes out of the relationship. We have had many things (mostly inexpensive) stolen from our ministry house.
On one occasion, though, a whole collection of power tools and other equipment was stolen. From the evidence, it was clear that it was an “inside” job. I was faced with one of the most difficult internal struggles I’ve ever had until then. The first dominating thoughts were thoughts of suspicion – “Who was it? Who broke my trust?” I was angry. I so badly wanted to know who the thief was that I couldn’t trust any of our local contacts anymore. I was even prepared to collaborate with the local gangsters to try and solve the case. It was not funny! It took a few days of hard inner and outer conversations to let go of those suspicions and press a reset button and choose to trust again even if the case wasn’t solved and the culprit is still among us.
The biggest advantage we have as Jesus followers is that being vulnerable in relationships is not just between me and the other person. When we let go of our right to control the outcome, when we put our disappointment and hurt before Him, we are free of condemnation, of judgement and of self-pity. Then we realize that it is not about me and begin to see the other person with God’s eyes and entrust the relationship to Him. Then we begin to discover the unique fruit and fulfilling joy of taking chances in relationships.
